First, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Colleen Wheeler. I’m an editor at O’Reilly Media, publisher of Deke’s popular (if currently underpopulated) One-on-One books. And for reasons that no one quite remembers, I was put in charge of Deke. It’s a big job, but someone has to do it.

Perhaps you’ve witnessed the resurgence of dekePod. In which case, as with any time you experience a great work of art, you want to know more, be a part of the magic in some way. How did this masterpiece come about? How many thousands of CGI extras suffered heatstroke or severe chapped lips during the arduous making of this video? How did the production team make Deke look like more of a cartoon character than he already is? Well, my friends, not to worry: here is your behind-the-scenes look at the making of dekePod Pilot #2, “101 Photoshop Tips in 5 Minutes.” Yes, you’re welcome.

It all started with a dream. Then it all started again with the cast of talented professionals meeting in the gorgeous city of San Francisco. Here is the view from the top of the Hyatt, where Big Time Stars like Deke stay when they’re in The City, and where they have their editors purchase Bombay Sapphire martinis while they discuss the two days of arduous shooting ahead. Enjoy the swanky view because tomorrow we’re going gritty.

A relatively early morning call the next day. On the taxi ride over to Flying Moose Pictures, Deke, gets final advice from various members of his posse, which can basically be summed up as, “Have fun, be brilliant, and try not to look like an egomaniacal asshole.” Deke seems undaunted by the challenge. What you gonna do? A boy is what he is.

Oops, we’re here. Our driver apparently doesn’t frequent the Mission often. Drops us off across the street. (Should a Big Time Star really have to use a freaking crosswalk on the way to his Big Time Shoot?) Speaking of Big Time Stars, that suitcase has no idea that today is the day it’s going to be discovered. Enjoy your last minutes of relative obscurity, little suitcase.

After figuring out the intercom at the building that houses Flying Moose Pictures, someone comes down carry to Deke’s suitcase up the stairs for him. Is it Deke or the suitcase whose charisma warrants this VIP treatment? That suitcase is going to develop an attitude. Once inside, we greet the Crackerjack Team of Creative Geniuses who are dedicated to making dekePod the Work of Brilliance it will undoubtedly be:

Jonathan, Your Director,

Mark, Your Cinematographer,

Zarah, Your Script Supervisor (and Sunburn Wrangler),

Joe, Your Gaffer (and the increasingly egomaniacal suitcase’s soon-to-be personal assistant),

and Suzanne, Your O’Reilly Digital Media’s Marketing Director (and today’s multi-talented, all-purpose crewmember). Suzanne’s got iPhone at the ready in the event we need to authorize additional budget, confer with Deke’s agent, or clear Deke’s spontaneous utterances with the sensors. Deke’s take on Suzanne after two days of amazing work: “Is there anything this woman can’t do?”

Discovered in the Flying Moose Pictures kitchen, another inanimate object destined to be a Big Star. We take it with us on location for martini and faux-martini emergencies.

Location #1 somewhere south of Pac Bell Park (I think). Awesome red building. The crew confers over how the hell we’re going to do this “record slow, play back regular speed” effect (more on that below). Meanwhile, I revel in the vertical awesomeness of my LX2’s 16:9 aspect ratio.

Joe and Zarah hit the ground running. I study my lines, preparing to be the human teleprompter. Basically, we’re going to film each of the verses at slower and slower speeds, so that when played back Deke gets that frenetic effect that makes the video so awesome, or unsettling, depending on your taste. We’ve got the audio recorded for playback at the different speeds, and it means that Deke has to lip sync in slow motion — while looking full of energy. After several takes, I feel like I could recite 11 Photoshop Tips in 12.5 hours.

But before we can start, the PG&E guy pulls up to discharge this particular hydrant. Right now. This hydrant. Hi, PG&E guy. Deke stays loose during the delay by jumping up and down.

Filming the “interlude,” Suzanne has added to her “Slate Person” duties the title of “Towel Handler.” Joe stands in as Deke’s “Trainer and Martini Mixer.” (Natasha must still be in in her trailer.) Mark sets up the shot.

Location #2 somewhere else in SF behind a Caltran station. A part of SF the tourists never get to see. If they can help it. Joe makes sure the ingenue gets properly positioned while Jonathan and Mark set up the shot. Deke tries not to get more sunburn.

When we arrived on set, this car (missing during the initial location scouting mission) was in the frame. What the hell, lets make the car a Big Star too.

The Human Teleprompter and her Clipboard of Authority. With the wind and the sun, the script is as crispy and windblown as the talent. Hey, if I’m in the shot, who took this picture?

Photoshop Forensics reveal that Deke found a job to amuse himself between takes.

Oops. Car owner returned and is bribed with a bottle of water to avoid upsetting our set mid-shoot. He gives us 1 minutes before he really has to go. Jonathan remarks that in LA this arrangement would cost way more than water.

Zarah attempts to mitigate the sun’s harshness on Deke’s heretofore lily-whiteness while Mark sets up the handheld shot.

Location #3 atop the Flying Moose building. Deke and Suzanne check out the view. No barbed wire or graffiti this time. But freaking cold. We wrap Day #1 as the sun sets. Really. Freaking. Cold.

Hmmm. The red shirt has had it’s time, plus at this point Deke’s complexion almost matches the color. Wardrobe change. Most Big Stars get dressing rooms. Note before and after around the neckline. Suffering for art, man. Deke still full of awesomeness after a full day of trying to be “high energy” in slow motion. Seriously, this is Hour #10 people. Ug!

Location #4 (next day) in the frieght elevator in the Flying Moose Pictures building. Suzanne, showing off yet another talent, coaxes the smoke machine with one hand whilst still handling the slate with the other. Is there anything this girl can’t do?

The hazards of shooting in a working frieght elevator. Deke and Suzanne take five while Jonathan uses the set to take the maintenance guy down as part of Fire Extinguisher Inspection Day. (Yes, of course, today would be Fire Extinguisher Inspection Day!) We’ll resume shooting in a few minutes.

Back at Flying Moose for shooting the intro/outro and some followup episodes, Jonathan shows me and Suzanne how to use the teleprompter. The real teleprompter. Not me frantically reading off a clipboard stage left. It literally involves mirrors.

Deke and virtual Deke take a deep breath in between takes.

Suzanne has now taken over as script supervisor and prop master. That O’Reilly knows talent. Meanwhile, Deke calls Mark’s wife to confirm pronunciation of “Internationale” with a French accent. The reason for this will be (somewhat) obvious in an upcoming installment of dekePod.

End of the day. Books, videos, deke.com. King of the hill. Art in the making.

A dedicated team, two hijinx and hard-work filled days, several weeks of post production and opinion wrangling later, and voila, “101 Photoshop Tips in Five Minutes.” Tech Geek Video Training history is made. You were there, folks!