You have a mother, right? I have a mother. I guess we all have mothers. They’re so awesome.

Mine called me yesterday to protect me. It might have gone something like this:

My mom: “Hello, Deke?” Me (you’ll get the rhythm of the thing in a moment): “Hi, Mom, what’s up?” “Deke, dear, your house is on fire.” “Sorry, Mom, I was working on something . . . what?” “Deke, sweet boy, your house is on fire. It’s on the news. And it looks like you might have to evacuate soon.” “Mom, I’m not at home. I’m in California.” “Oh, oh, wait a moment. Yes, now they’re asking you to please evacuate your house. Because it’s on fire.”

Or it might have gone this way:

My mom: “Deke, my son.” Me: “Mom, seriously, is that you? You never call. Let me switch to a secure line.” “No time for that, bub. There’s some huge shit going down on the south side of your home town of Boulder, Colorado.” “Gimme the news, Mom. You know I like it in black and white.” “Fly away, bird, fly away home. Your house is on fire, your children are alone.” “Will do, Mom, thanks for the tip. And cheers on your promotion to Major General of the World!”

In reality, it was something in between. My very cool mom just called to tell me that this year’s Zombie Apocalypse begins in Colorado, where approximately the entire state is on fire, including a space close to me. Well, not me, because I accidentally pre-evacuated a week ago to Santa Barbara, California, where life is beautiful all the time. (My boys are safe on the other side of Boulder, btw, ironically attending swim team practice every morning. They may burn, but not from the fire.)

To quote the Daily Camera (a local missive of merit): “Aided by a massive C-130 air tanker, Boulder County firefighters are battling a 200-to-300-acre wildfire west of Boulder this afternoon, a fast-growing and ‘extreme’ blaze that has forced the evacuation of 26 households in the foothills and put parts of south Boulder on pre-evacuation notice.”

Of all the photos I found, the following gave me the best glimpse. My place is about six blocks to your left (south). The fire is about 2 miles away (west and slightly south), on the other side of the Flatirons (big jutting rocks, here buried in smoke), which might hopefully serve as a geographic barrier.

A few tidbits:

• The fire started around 1:15pm yesterday afternoon, possibly by lightning.
• Having originally amassed at Fairview High School (across the street from my place), 250 firefighters are now out and about and on the job. May the gods and their, uh, waterbolts (?) be with you!
• Seven aircraft are at work, including two varieties of tankers. That’s got to be good, right? Because those things expend enormous amounts of fuel to put out a fire.
• So far, the fire is 0% contained. Which I regard as good news, because it leaves lots of room for improvement.

More from the Daily Camera: “Pre-evacuation orders were also issued Tuesday to 2,416 south Boulder phone numbers in the neighborhoods of Table Mesa, Devil’s Thumb and Highland Park, which are bordered by Dartmouth Avenue to the north, Greenbriar Avenue to the south, Broadway to the east and the foothills to the west. Those orders remain in effect.”

That would be me. Except, as I say, I accidentally pre-evacuated a week ago.