Hey, gang. It’s me, Deke! Actually writing a blog post for my very own site. Weird! But, honestly, Colleen’s so good at it, who needs me underfoot?

Even so, in rare form, I attend (hello!) to announce this week’s free technique. Now I warn you, this movie is not terribly humorous or exciting. In fact, while watching it, I yawned once. Okay, twice. But it was late. And besides, this movie is seriously educational. Perhaps even dangerously so. For this week, I explain how to use the Defringe slider bars in Adobe Camera Raw 7, which ships with Photoshop CS6.

Oh, crap, that sounds dull as shit, even with all the italics.

We start with the following helpful sign that warns men with chest erections not to stumble off obvious cliffs. Wait, no, I have that wrong—there’s no red slash through the sign. So it must recommend that men with chest erections stumble off obvious cliffs. Phew, boy am I glad I misread that sign! I’m pretty sure I had a massive arm-shaped chest erection at the time.

Sadly, that misses the point, and it’s already much more entertaining than the boring-ass video that accompanies this post. Which, if I haven’t already mentioned it, is dull. Great grandpappy-discretion advised.The point of today’s video is that sometimes your digital photographs exhibit a special variety of chromatic aberration known as fringing, which comes in two varieties, purple and green, which you can adjust using a pair of sliders . . .

Sweet Jesus, I’m a ginormous hurtling comet of nerd! In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have the free time to collect this information in my head! Much less master it to the point that I teach it to you in the form of the most extensive and informatively dull video on the topic, ever!

Uck, I broke my Italic button.

Anyway, here’s an intriguing diagram that spells out the whole thing. This really is the kind of stuff that happens all the time. Because even wildly tricked-out cameras—like my Super-Pop-Pop Mark XI Who-Gives-A-Rat’s-Ass Dope/MoFo B-Martian What-the-Fuck D91—have 19th-century lens elements that can’t correct for a wide variety of chromatic problems. And so, Camera Raw has to. With your help.

You do get that I’m trying to spice this thing up, right?? Because correcting the junk that your camera should not mess up in the first place is inherently . . .

Dammit!!!