About 50 people have emailed me this CollegeHumor link now, and for good reason. It’s hilarious, catchy, and brilliantly executed. Plus, the Photoshop tricks are spot on. As you might imagine I have read and watched a few zillion imaging tutorials, and the quality wanders a bit. The above is an entertainment video, and yet it does a better job of imparting best practices, accurate terminology, and sly techniques than just about anything I’ve seen lately.

If it doesn’t play right away, click pause and click play again.

Seriously, essential viewing. (Warning: Truly sensitive listeners will enjoy the faux-raunchy language.) Click here for some lyrics.

These are the lyrics that I heard [with unknowns in brackets]:

Yo, I’m CMYKilla here to answer all your prayers.
So import this [sviddy] photo. Open up a new layer.
When it comes to red eyes, I know just the fix.
Back yo ass up and let me channel mix.
You know the RGB are the colors we slidin’.
Now knock that red back to that sucker behind it.
Set our hues, Green and Blues, up to fitty percent.
Now we through, let’s review our color adjustment.
“Hey, what’s wrong with my picture? You made it all gray!”
Crop that tongue, mother [fukkem], listen what I say.
Select your layer mask. Now we on the right track.
Whip that paint bucket out. Fill it up with black.
Hold up, here’s a tip for Adobe elite:
If you wanna quick fill, press Alt+Delete.
“But it looks just the same.” Yo, shut up, fool!
No talkin’ while I’m Shoppin’, that’s the #1 rule!
Now get [thyself] a brush. Make it soft and white.
And dab away that red ‘til it looks all right.

Yo, did I hear someone say I was busted?
Slot me that mouse cuz I’m here to adjust it.
Seems like your font is lookin’ pretty grim.
You wanna make that text sound like custom rim?
“Sure, where do we start?” Yo, that depends.
Open Layer Styles. Say hello to my friend.
“Yo, I’m Masta Bevel. I’m way past your level.
My [coc’] goes betta on your letters. It makes them less disheveled.
Sit you just up again. I set the Bevel to N.
Set the Depth right a step. Shader shift like a winna!”
Almost done. Don’t choke. Don’t wanna Outside stroke.
Make the text leap out like it was provoke.
“Can I set my Drop Shadow at two-thirds opacity?”
Yo, your massive ears growing but not yet at capacity.
Your Distance should be high with your Size set low.
And the spread between them slides right to zero.
“Now this bake sale flier’s lookin’ chrome and [a-shit]!”
Better take that [biff] to Kinkos cuz it’s ready to print!

Okay, so I ran out of steam before I could fully document the unicorn verse. But I did glean this:

I be needin’ some help to bedazzle this horse.
Good thing my whole crew’s about to show up in force.

And much later:

But my actual eyedropper also has a very large sample size.

Despite his bravado, the charming Masta Bevel never actually gets around to changing a setting. But even so, I’m telling you, I can’t remember the last time I learned so much. CMYKilla, in particular, is an engaged and compassionate teacher.

Oh, and if you watch the whole movie, pause once it ends. The commercial message that follows might be slightly raunchier. (Holy ass, where did society go?)